The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
