i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
