I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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