So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
