why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
