I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
