I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
