I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
