i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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