Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize