I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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