Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
