the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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