it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
