I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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