people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
