I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
