Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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