dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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