Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
