It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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