You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
