last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
