I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
