so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
