I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
