So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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