I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
