I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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