My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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