it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
