i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
