I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
