I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
