Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
one might say we're banned from that church
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
