wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
