I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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