One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
