Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
