apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
