He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
