Already got asked if we're dating
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
