Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sponge bath it is.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
