im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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