tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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