Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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