are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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