question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
