Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
