sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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