he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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