Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm at about main and main street
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
