Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
