Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
