I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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