But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
