ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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