he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize