i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
