so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
