____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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