the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
