is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
