It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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