i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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