maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
