at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This couple is walking their pig around campus
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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