If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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