I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
