it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
