..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
