I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
