Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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