life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
